i just ill just rant a little here since i dun think look at my tumblr any more.
i really feel very small now.. like im trying to squeeze myself back into ur life.. trying has become harder and harder. like calling a cellphone and just praying for someone to pick the phone up. i really feel so insignificant. u dont see it.. but i do. im not sensitive. its juz obvious. i really dunno if this will make it to its 7th month let alone 10 yrs. i really dun feel u there anymore. u are pushing me away. and this is not happening slowly anymore. now i finally understand y love is always compared to a rose. Its because u never really see the thorns until u finally pick it up. i dun think i ever felt so lonely b4. ur presence is like being faked. i dun even noe if u want to be there anymore. the lies u tell. the promises u break. the secrets u hide. one is ok. 2 is acceptable. but i guess u urself noe what uve done.. if u dunno or forget, den im speechless. overtaken by everything. suppressed by ur negative emotions. push aside by ur negative thoughts. all that stubbornness.. ur unwillingness to try. i guess for so long, u still dunno how much the things u do and say mean to me. i guess i realize now that equal relationships are. i tot that by making u happy, u would give me some happiness back too. i guess that was juz wishful thinking.. if u ever read this, theres a 99% tt u’ll get mad without thinking about the real feelings behind this post.. u say my expectations are too high.. but is wanting some love and care back really too high? if you dont love me anymore u shld juz say it out and stop hurting the both of us.. this coldness. the hiding.. its like i dunno you anymore. u were the girl thats smile could brighten up my darkest of days. u still are. i guess if u ever u see this post ull get upset.. but tts y im kind of hesitating on clicking the “create post” button. i just want you to try and understand a little.. because i still want to marry you. to live with you. i just want you to love me again.. i just miss those times whr no one cared about personal space. because all we needed was each other. or was that just my thinking. good night.
